And the song I was writing is left undone
Tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?
I am calling them right now. And getting nervous (i only call people i really like, i hate phone calls). I’m not exactly sure ‘what made me start’ liking them, but they are certainly beautiful (i don’t just mean aesthetically, which they are also *cha ching*). I think this person is pretty darn rare though. It’s hard to place a finger on these things sometimes. I love the way they think and speak and write and dance and i’m not going to ramble. But. Yep… I think i knew i liked them when i met up with their house-mate to inspect their room (which was up for sublease in Sydney). I abandoned the housemate, and we decided to grab lunch afterward and i thought it was really nice (we went to two different places around Marrickville). They told me i should move in, but they also told me that they were going on a date with someone and i said that they should and so i was all confused (and annoyed at myself) but i didn’t mind too much (fml (my awkward life) haha
The goal is to understand your true self before launching an action plan. Deep realizations about yourself don’t come all in one sitting. Be your own ethnographer for a month. One of the people that I admire most in the world is Jane Goodall. Imagine Jane sitting in the forest, looking at those chimpanzees with compassion and curiosity. Take on her kind tone and attitude while observing yourself. Be gentle and curious but never judgmental. This is very hard for us to do because we’re always talking shit to ourselves.
Take a notebook and notice every time you get excited about something. It doesn’t have to be a big moment or work related… Just write it down each time—no judgments. What happens over the course of the month is you start seeing some patterns. It gives you a peek into your authenticity and things that energize you. When your whole body lights up with joy, it’s really trying hard to tell you something—it’s saying, “hey, this is important, please pay attention.”
You need to spend time understanding who you truly are before you forge a path. If you’re making plans based on other people’s perception of you or the perception of yourself that you want to project based on some external force, you’ll always end up in the wrong place.
Complement with how to find your purpose and do what you love.
-YES- MONTH GOAL-
Don’t be confused by my apparent
Lack of ceremony, my mind is clear
I may be low or miles high off
In the distance, I want you near
I love you
Even when I’m sleeping
When I close my eyes
(Megan Washington doing this song more than justice).
3. What was your last thought before going to bed last night?
I was panicking something fierce (i literally thought i had gone mad, i could hear two voices in my head ‘rational Rebecca’ and ‘anxiety Rebecca’). About love. And feeling too much. And it scared me. I think being transparent is my biggest fear. And being stoned just illuminated it bigggg time. Maybe that’s what my container dream was too… I was all wrapped up (in like a white paper kebab wrapper, mind you) and i was lying in a plastic, disposable container and then someone put a lid on me and i start suffocating. But then once i stopped hyperventilating it was warm.
15. My favourite kind of gum?
I used to like Big Red (the cinnamon flavoured one). But i guess the classic green Extra is a consistent winner. I feel like the best flavoured gums (Juicy Fruit) never last very long…
21. Have you ever wasted your time on someone?
I would like to be honest, and admit that i have definitely felt like i have wasted a lot of words on someone before. I have felt like i have exhausted myself trying to make amends with certain people and/or attempting to make situations ‘right’ many times (i’m thinking of two separate people). That being said, i don’t think it’s a healthy mentality to feel like your words and emotions are wasted, because at that particular time you thought they were constructive and necessary. I guess it’s about accountable to yourself/others and owning/being responsible of your own emotions and words.
13. three things i did today: showered at madelynes, jammed two hot cross buns in my housemates toaster and failed to retrieve them safe and sound, made tea/several glasses of water.
23. how have i felt today? my head has felt heavy and my eyes tired and i feel warm (which is unusual for me). i think im getting realz sick. i wanted to feel alive and move a lot today but didnt :(
I do, i do answer everything/anything (to the best that i can). That’s so bizarre, maybe they didn’t send through properly? Please do be sure to shoot them through again x
I have pals younger than me! Most of the time, I don’t think that age is really a barrier (but of course this varies from person to person)! I have friends that are eighteen and friends that are thirty-three, but i don’t look at them through an age-lense. And trust me, i’m not cool at all haha! I’m very well flattered though :)
I remember the first time i got stoned. It was in London. I didn’t feel any different really. I was probably too scared to breathe it in properly though. I was kind of just sleepy (which is normal for me). And I thought it was bad that i couldn’t see the stars (which is also normal for me). But nonetheless, if you’re down, i am haha x
I’m feeling really mopey and heavy today. I’ve got a sore throat and i wanted to busk and run today but i didn’t because i don’t feel very good. As a result i’ve been counting coins, watching Girls and continuing my sift through old images from yesterday, and i came across this. I remember this day so vividly. It was late (ish) last year. It was a difficult year. I had lost so much weight (I know that the photo is awkward/bad though- don’t fret). I had no muscles despite the dramatic weight loss. As a result, i felt really light but i still couldn’t lift myself properly. I just wanted to be pulled. I was really scared too. I want to feel that healthy again though. And comfortable in my clothing. And rock my disco pants (with joggers) whilst rock climbing. Blergggggg.
The last time
I had taken a seat
In plane that flew over seas
I promised myself
I would never travel alone
For a very long time
But here i am picking out another seat